Today was a hard day. I can’t really pinpoint one event that pushed this day over the top, but it is that kind of day where you question yourself and your choices. A day that would normally end with several beers; however I have put that habit behind me (recently)- which today seems to be an even more challenge because of this reason.
The old me (two days earlier), would of ran to the nearest store and grabbed a 12 pack. This me…. well is turning to writing it out. I’ll have to update you on the outcome.
Do you believe that God only gives you what you can handle? From where I’m sitting things are way over the top. I have fallen really far from where I want to be in life and as a person. And the heap of crap that keeps falling over me is killing me slowly. I’m not depressed, overwhelmed and tired- yes. Stressed to the max- hell yes! But am trying to find a path that will begin me peace without additional harm.
Okay before you write me off- let’s back up and just talk about today. It started normal- it wasn’t until fighting broke out that I had to throw my arms up and say enough is enough. The fighting among 4 year old’s. Since I run an in-home childcare program, this is not normal behavior but after a holiday weekend; I should have been aware of the possibility. Confronting two families- one the victim and the other the aggressor is overwhelming. In some way I’m left feeling guilty and doubting myself.
Doubting my abilities to keep these kids safe and doubting my choice to open my business. It’s only Monday…….
So what do I do? What options do I have? Quit?
Right now I’m lost on what to do. But always open to suggestions! So drop a comment or write me a note on your thoughts.
HELP!
Tabitha Cristy
Update: It’s now 3/8/22. Two years may be too long for an update of this magnitude, but here goes. Reading over this post I vaguely remember and have had several days since this that required ’thought’. Since then I have resigned- giving my families a years notice also more recently I have decided not to take on any school agers. The conflict alone was enough to say no more, but my tiny house isn’t equipped for their growing bodies either. So far, these have been the best decision I’ve made.
Tabi